Creating Family Culture with Adult Children

Building a strong family culture is an ideal many strive towards as they start families. However, once your children are in adulthood doesn’t mean that your family culture no longer matters. In fact, this is a crucial stage of life where you are doing the work to pass the baton to them with the values, traditions, and purpose to carry on.

Let’s examine how you can understand God’s purpose for family culture and then explore strategies for creating family culture with your adult children.

What Is Family Culture?

Before you can begin working on your family culture, you need to start with reframing your understanding. Typically, family culture is associated with heritage/ancestry and traditions tied to those. However, family culture in the biblical sense goes deeper than this.

A culture typically is defined as the attitudes, values, and practices of a group of people that set a way of life. So from a biblical perspective, your family culture becomes a place to practice your values and live with purpose together. It helps set the tone for how you live and interact as a whole.

When your family culture is healthy, it impacts all those around you. It’s your little unique way to add redemption back to the world. It’s not always about the big grand acts or traditions. The fact that your family operates with kindness consistently, as an example, can make all the difference in serving those around you and bringing encouragement. Culture isn’t just about your family; it’s a place of ministry.

Strategies for Building Family Culture with Adult Children

Through this understanding of biblical family culture, you can see the value it holds even when your children no longer are in your house. You may not have the advantage of having everyone under your roof, but all that means is you need to pursue different opportunities. And best of all, it means you are in a stage of life where you get to invite them to be part of the process. You are helping pave the way for how they can think about their own families and what gets passed on.

Let’s dive into a few easy strategies you can consider. Remember- go slow in this process and give your adult kids a voice. It’s something to learn together, not force on everyone.

Family Culture with Adult Children Strategy #1

Demonstrate who your family is through generosity.

Having worked with hundreds of families, the consistent easiest way that we’ve found for families to begin practicing values and shaping culture is through generosity. The practice of giving allows you all to have conversations about things you care about most and invites everyone to the table to participate. Here are a few ideas to consider:

• Create an annual kindness challenge where you can all participate even if you are not geographically together. (Write letters together on a Zoom call, everyone chooses a neighbor to bless and come back to share the stories, etc.)
• Set up a giving “emergency fund” where the family can bring proposals of needs that arise.
• Give every family member $50 to give away at their own discretion, and have them all come back to share about the impact.

Family Culture with Adult Children Strategy #2

Create rhythms for connection.

Especially when your children are grown, these rhythms to stay connected are crucial. Repetition and consistency make a significant impact towards keeping your family unified. The magic here isn’t in over-the-top ideas but simply in identifying what works best among your family’s unique dynamic to allow them to feel connected, valued, and encouraged. 

Here are a few ideas to try, but use this point in particular as a way to discuss with your family their own preferences and perspectives:

• Have a “family spotlight” moment whether via text or email where once a week one person is on deck to share their update about what is going on in their life. They could send a video, photos, or just a text to share news.
• Make asking for prayer requests a weekly routine. The more you get your family talking about what is going on in their hearts and minds, the more connected you become. It gives you things to follow up on as well.
• Present the idea of a “family meeting” as a tool to get together (in person or virtually) and stay up to date on things to discuss and important news. Let your children weigh in on what would be beneficial to discuss or how frequently to meet. Especially in adult stages of life, even quarterly or annually may be sufficient.

Family Culture with Adult Children Strategy #3

Establish traditions and celebrations that fit this current life stage.

One of the most underrated tools for strong family culture is your traditions and celebrations. It’s deeper than just birthday or holiday gatherings. Instead, it means you look for opportunities to celebrate and practice what matters, and these can become cornerstones of your family culture. You could revamp old traditions that need an update for this current life stage, or you could discuss new ideas together.

Here are some brainstorming ideas for your discussion:

• Discuss as a family the things that you want to celebrate and bring more recognition to. (ie. Accomplishing a goal for the year, job change, answered prayer, etc.) Identify what makes your family members feel celebrated and honored.
• If your children have their own kids, listen to their ideas of traditions they are implementing with their own families. What do you want to make part of your collective family or how could you better participate in those traditions?
• Go back to that first strategy of generosity and look for ideas for traditions and celebrations there. Are there goals/milestones you want to set related to how your family gives that should be a celebration? What is a meaningful act of generosity you all have that should be solidified as a tradition, like an annual Christmas giving challenge?

Family Culture with Adult Children Strategy #4

Focus on what YOU can do first.

The reality with creating family culture is that it does take work, and if you are just now beginning with your adult family, it may take time before people are willing to adopt the ideas. The best thing you can do is to be consistent in what you value, not forceful, and give easier ways for the family to engage that honor them.

Try a few of these ideas:

• Create your own list of check-in questions you’ll use to touch base with the family. By consistently checking in and generating conversation, you will begin to build trust and a pattern of engagement. It’s about creating an open door as you demonstrate to your family how they have a regular space to engage and be cared for.
• Practice mentioning where your mission, vision, and values tie into actions. It doesn’t need to be a speech, but the simple mentions of “Oh we are doing this because that supports to our mission statement…” can help your family see how you are living out these principles.
• Make a family culture plan that is specific to you by identifying the top things you want to pass on or tell your family about. (ie. Top 10 stories you need to tell, old family traditions, specific value for generosity to center around, etc.)

Think Long-Term with Family Culture

As you begin to push forward with these ideas, keep in mind the real purpose for doing this. It’s not just about your family now. This is about setting the path for where you want your family to be generations into the future. What you all practice is what will get replicated and passed on again and again, if you are intentional.

So don’t be afraid to start small right now. Identify the best actions that will best support what you want to continue in the future and that will engage your family where they are right now. Stay humble in this process. Your role is to help empower this next generation to run well, so be willing to let them test out leading and giving direction. Doing so will help them practice what is getting passed on.

Pass the baton and run your race well!

Need help finding a clearer starting point? Our 7 Generation Family Legacy Study is designed to do exactly that. You will walk through a renewed understanding of God’s purpose for your family and then build your family’s plan through guiding vision, mission, and values statements. Learn more at https://legacystone.com/families/family-legacy-study