How to Have a Family Meeting with Adult Children

A family meeting is one of the most impactful tools you can implement for long-term success as a family, but learning how to implement family meetings when your children are no longer in the home presents a unique dynamic. You will need to think through how to introduce the concept and then work through an approach that will work for the current season of life. Let’s dive in on how to do this!

The Vision of a Family Meeting

Before you ever hold a family meeting, one of the best things you can do with your adult children to help this practice succeed is to talk about the vision first, to address why it matters for your family to implement this practice. Especially with adult children, you don’t want a family meeting to feel like a disconnected, arbitrary task to do. 

Instead, consider an initial vision-casting type conversation with your family where everyone has an opportunity to share hopes for the family, how they want to connect and develop relationally. Give everyone a chance to contribute and find the common themes of what you all want as a family. Then, work to introduce the idea of a family meeting. Explain its purpose (See our post here if you need some help) and talk about how this ties into the vision everyone just shared. Ask people if they’d be willing to try this out.

Create Your Family Meeting Plan

Once you have agreement, you can work on finding the best agenda and frequency. With adult children, we have seen many families still be successful even with an annual or quarterly approach. The needs and goals of a family just are different in that life stage, so holding meetings more often doesn’t necessarily equate to more positive results. Be willing to experiment and get feedback.

For an agenda, encourage your children’s input here for topics they want to revisit regularly and that they feel are most relevant. Remember, the goal here is to help set a path that they and next generations can use, so you want them engaging in this as much as possible. (Find more of our agenda strategies here if you want ideas to get started with.)

What if my family is not ready to participate?

While it sounds simple to cast vision and start planning a meeting, we also know that many families are experiencing relational challenges, and children may not be ready to engage in a meeting yet. Our encouragement is to reframe the opportunity and it still can be a tool to help begin bridging those gaps. Here’s two approaches to consider:

Approach 1

If holding a more formal meeting would deter or hurt relationships based on where the family currently is, consider a more scaled back approach by using the idea of an agenda to help you structure the conversations you do have. It doesn’t have to be announced as a formal meeting, but it can at least help you format what you need to share more clearly.

For example, let’s say you want to talk a generosity idea, you could let people know you had an idea to share and then use the meeting agenda structure to present it in a consolidated fashion. Explain how generosity, or whichever value, is part of your core values (this hits the Review Vision, Mission, Values category) and you wanted to discuss an idea you had to give away some money as a family (this hits the discussion point). You can then present the idea, ask for input, and assign action items the same way you would in a meeting. Even though it might not  be formally labeled a “meeting”, it at least helps people get used to the format.

Approach 2

If some family members want to participate but others don’t, you can consider the strategy of inviting everyone to the meeting but letting people know it is optional to attend but they just will miss the opportunity to be part of decisions. We have seen this actually be an effective way to re-engage relationships where while the meeting isn’t forced, they have to make a choice if they want to miss out on having a seat at the table. 

If you are in this stage, be sensitive to the communication needs and relational dynamics. The goal isn’t to exclude or treat people unfairly, but it’s helping the family keep moving forward as well. Set standards around communication so there is no gossiping if people are not included, and make it easy for people to return or to engage when they are ready. The whole purpose of a family meeting is to be the table people can return and gather around so keep that heart in all you do.

Commit to Learning with Family Meetings

We know family can be complicated, and as you walk through your family’s unique needs and circumstances, it won’t just happen overnight to find what works best for you. Take heart though; that is a good thing! The point of family is to keep growing and evolving, so as you begin to test out this meeting idea, keep the mindset of experimentation and learning. The more your children see you as willing to learn, to receive feedback, and to partner alongside them, the more it will build trust and unity.

As you build this practice, you are setting the tone for relationships and for generations. Keep an open door and an open heart in this journey.

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If your family is looking for additional support in navigating complex dynamics, our partners at 7th Gen Consulting provide customized family support. Find out more about what they do here: 7thgenconsulting.com/services