Family Communication Check In Questions

Communication issues can be one of the deadliest but unrealized problems a family will face. We tend to focus just on the major fights or what happens when it all comes to a head. However, if our communication as a family was addressed earlier on, it might even help prevent those major conflict points from occurring.

The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to build healthy communication systems that allow your family to communicate well through all stages. Simple tools like the questions you ask as a family can help you build a regular routine and clear communication standards.

Let’s identify why you need a defined communication process as a family and then help you build your list of family communication check in questions.

Why Do You Need a Family Communication Process?

Here are 3 primary benefits to using a communication check in process as a family:

1. Identify issues earlier on.
   When you are asking questions regularly, you can identify potential issues or work on resolution based on the stage things are at, rather than waiting for it to boil over.
   
   
2. Create a standard for positive communication.
   Having a conversation about conflict tends to put people on the defensive automatically. We want to protect ourselves first. But by creating a routine of what positive check-ins look like, it can change the negative connotations and make communicating as a family feel safer and engaging. (And if you want to change your conflict routines, read more about the process here!)
   
   
3. Build in natural accountability.
   Too many times communication issues are left unchecked, and that is why they get out of hand. As you develop the check in questions your family needs, you can build in affirming accountability to keep people on the right track. It’s easier to give a gentle course-correction nudge than it is to go through a major confrontation over long-term behaviors.

These three areas can help you build a stronger foundation for your family and its unity.

Family Communication Questions to Ask

Now that you are thinking through how to keep building your family’s foundation, let’s look at questions you can use to touch base on communication. Take from these ideas and adapt them to your family’s needs.

Heart Check In Family Communication Questions

• How have you felt listened to and valued? Or if not, tell us more.
• What words of encouragement do you need to hear? 
• What does it look like to believe the best in each other?
• How have we done in understanding each other’s unique ways of communication and adapting based on those?
• How comfortable do you feel to express your emotions about the situation? How can we improve on that?

Identifying Issues Family Communication Questions

• Where have we struggled to be clear in our requests?
• Were there any promises or expectations that were not followed through on that we need to talk about?
• In the conflict that occurred recently, were you able to share your sides and work to resolution? If not, what other next steps do we need to take?
• Are there patterns to where our misunderstandings or miscommunications are occurring? What do we need to not let slide next time?
• What do we need to work on as a family to make our communication processes feel like a safe space?

Accountability Family Communication Questions

• Have we been making enough time for conversations as a family? If not, why?
• How have we been practicing building/rebuilding trust?
• How have you been practicing active listening and asking clarifying questions?
• Are past hurts still impacting how you communicate?
• Have we held each other accountable for respectful and intentional communication?

Through these three areas, you can gain insight as a family into your patterns and how each individual is doing. Pay attention to making sure everyone can equally contribute. Especially when it comes to dealing with conflict, it can be easy for louder voices to dominate, so you need to create processes that allow everyone to be prioritized to share. Set time and space for your family members who may need more time to process. (Find more details on how to adapt by personality type in our guide here.)

Build a Strong Family with a Clear Communication Foundation

If you want a family that will last for generations, these check in points will help outline a clear blueprint to follow through all seasons. The more you can create stability and structure, the more your family will benefit.

Take time to go through the lists of questions, circle ones you want to use, and add your own ideas. Consider this a valuable opportunity to understand each family member’s heart as you pave a path to unity together.

Looking for easy ways to keep conversations going with your family? Join here for a weekly conversation starter and prayer prompt you can use.