What is Family Identity? The 4 Components of Lasting Families

Answering “What is family identity?” is one of the most important questions your family can tackle if you want to be a family that clearly reflects Christ.

The problem with answering that question right now is that the definition of family identity tends to stay at a surface level, and instead, the identity that the world is telling your children to focus on is solely their individual identity.

If you want a strong family identity, you need to first understand the drift families face, and then we will dive into 4 key facets to answer that question of “what is family identity”.

THE IDENTITY DRIFT FOR FAMILIES

The key challenge when it comes to identity right now is this idea of individualism. And here’s the thing– it’s not bad to raise a child that is independent and has their own identity! That is a good thing when balanced with an interdependent family system.

However, the drift that happens is when individualism is the ONLY identity that has been built in your family. If the only things you build are individuals, there is no connecting thread as your family grows older. If individuals are the only focus, then there is no cohesive standard of what matters as a family.

And here’s the hard-hitting point of reflection: While most of us would say individualism isn’t the standard in our family, the problem is that we don’t often live lives that actually support that. We might not want it to be true, but it often is the default way of life. Consider simply where the majority of your time is spent. What do the majority of those actions intentionally support– family identity and standards or individual?

ANSWERING “WHAT IS FAMILY IDENTITY?”

With that context set, you can start to see the dilemma. A healthy family identity has to be actionable and regularly used. An identity that only stays as a desire will always get over-written by other influences. God’s design for the family ultimately was that it is an interdependent team, so through that lens, we can start to understand true family identity.

A healthy Christian family identity includes 4 key components: the culture developed, the narrative that tells the story of the family, the covenant commitments you hold, and the reflections of Christ.

1. CULTURE AS PART OF FAMILY IDENTITY

The most commonly known aspect of family identity starts with culture. The cultural component looks like shared language and traditions that have been passed on that mark the family. It creates a shared sense of belonging.

For example, in one of our Legacy Stone families, food is a very important part of the culture piece of identity. Their grandmother came from Japan and learned to cook American food, so the food at gatherings has become a way not only to blend heritages but it’s a living testament of the grit and resilience that define the family.

2. NARRATIVE AS PART OF FAMILY IDENTITY

Building on that example, what deepens family identity is narrative– the story we tell about ourselves as a family. You can’t answer “what is family identity” without being able to answer these two other questions:

• Where did we come from?
• What has God done in our lives?

Story has a power like no other in your family to cut through noise and make it clear what defines your family. It gives a clear picture of how to live (whether that is something to do differently or something to repeat!). Those stories are things your children can lean on in difficult times as sources of hope, courage, and inspiration.

Research continues to demonstrate that these core stories of family identity have a significant impact on children’s resilience and mental health.

3. COVENANT AS PART OF FAMILY IDENTITY

This component of answering “what is family identity” tends to get overlooked, especially in a day and age where family is so full of busyness. The covenant piece of identity means that your family, not just the individuals in it, have clearly defined commitments you hold to as a family.

It’s not enough to go to church and have kids participate in youth ministry. A strong family identity means you have common beliefs and commitments that intentionally and actively shape your life. You have a lens and standards you make decisions from because you are clear on what you are called to as a family, not just individuals.

4. REFLECTING CHRIST AS PART OF FAMILY IDENTITY

Don’t skip this one thinking it’s just a cliche. This last component of family identity actually helps give you a clear framework. When you try to address what makes up family identity, it needs to reflect Christ. Ultimately, God designed family to be a microcosm of the Church.

Your family is one body, made up of many different parts, that operates with shared purpose. This is how the the Church reflects Christ, and thereby how your family reflects Christ.

That’s the hidden power of what family identity is right there! You still are a unit made up of individuals, but when those individuals come together for the purpose bigger than themselves to bring glory to God, you suddenly have shared meaning and identity.

CREATING YOUR OWN ANSWER TO “WHAT IS FAMILY IDENTITY?”

Through these four components of family identity, culture, narrative, covenant, and reflecting Christ, you have tools to start answering the question for yourself. The goal is to get to a point of clarity. Your family won’t ever be able to operate with a strong sense of identity if it is confusing or not actionable.

Remember, the point is to follow God’s design: be the interdependent team (the microcosm of the Church). It is a way of life where you operate as one cohesive body via the gifts of all the different parts. It strikes the better balance over individualism. Your family still is made up of unique individuals, but now all the individuals can operate from under that umbrella of shared purpose and identity.

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If you want to unpack these perspective shifts on purpose, you’ll want to watch this quick video training. Sign up for “3 Ways to Think Different about Family” and you’ll get helpful resets on God’s design for your family.