How to Build Christian Family Identity

You probably have a list in your mind of what you hope your family will be like, but identity is one of the toughest topics to make tangible. How exactly do you make your family known as “joyful” or “connected”? It can feel like guesswork sometimes to do enough of the right things.

It’s worth the investment though to develop identity because this provides the foundation for your children to stand on during their own seasons of formation or uncertainty. A clear family identity isn’t just aspirational in nature. It actually is highly impactful and practical.

Drawing from the thousands of families we have served, here are four of the most important baseline steps you can take to set identity as a Christian family.

4 BASELINE STEPS TO REINFORCE AND BUILD CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY

There are many ways you can go about developing identity in your family, but what will be most helpful is to set the foundational, non-negotiable practices you continually use. These four are some of the core principles our Legacy Stone families use regularly:

CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY BASELINE STEP 1:

PICK HABITS THAT SET THE STANDARD

At a fundamental level, your family won’t know its identity if you don’t have behaviors that define it. That is why habits are so powerful.

And to be clear, habits aren’t just random routines to add to the list. These need to be repeated practices where you have laid out clear meaning to your family of why you all are choosing to do these. (See our full list of examples here)

For example, if you just start forcing a weekly family dinner, while it is a positive habit, you still are missing the connection and meaning to family. Instead, try holding the first family dinner and talk about how “connectedness” is a defining piece of what it means to be a part of your family. Invite everyone to share their own ideas on how you will practice this, and as you continue the habit of the dinners, continue to remind everyone of the why. This helps identity become something your family could articulate.

CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY BASELINE STEP 2:

CREATE A CODE OF CONDUCT

As you build habits, now you can begin to layer in the behavioral standards. A code of conduct is one of the easiest frameworks we see our Legacy Stone families utilize. At its simplest, a code of conduct outlines 7-12 of the primary behaviors that define your family.

Here’s a few examples of behaviors Legacy Stone families have created:

• Generosity is our default.
• Listen to understand.
• See the best in each other.

Now everyone has the exact same playbook to follow and the same set of standards to meet. It’s not just about fairness but that now you have your whole family pulling in the same direction. Everyone participates in upholding the standard as a family. Team identity is what makes strong Christian family identity.

CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY BASELINE STEP 3:

SHARE THE STORIES REGULARLY

If the idea of creating an entire Christian family identity seems a little daunting still, another baseline habit simply is through the stories you tell. Stories are one of the most under-utilized tools of family identity formation, so make sure to add them to your toolbox of family growth.

By identifying the stories that best showcase who you want your family to be (or even the cautionary tales of what not to do) and repeating those, now you have given your family a clear picture of what matters. Look for stories that demonstrate:

• How a relationship with God became meaningful/personal
• How a negative pattern/cycle was ended
• How someone had to make a hard choice in order to live what matters
• How God met you in a time of loss/hardship

Those are just a few ideas, but work hard to ensure stories become an engrained habit. This is the fastest track to helping your children grasp these identity markers in your family when they have an illustration they can tie it to.

CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY BASELINE STEP 4:

CELEBRATE WHAT MATTERS MOST

If you want identity as a Christian family to stick, you have to ensure your family is clear about what is good versus what is out of bounds. It can be easy only to harp on the negative to stop doing, so instead, don’t miss the power of celebration.

It is deeper than just birthdays or saying “good job” after a good grade on a test. Celebration actually is one of the most impactful tools you can add because what you celebrate as a family sends a clear message about what you value.

It ties into the first step with adding in habits to your family, so make celebration one of those. When you get intentional about celebration, you will find it makes you think more clearly about where you spend your time. Consider these celebration ideas (or grab our full list here!):

• A generosity milestone achieved
• Completing a habit goal (ie. 20 dinners in a row)
• A day to celebrate a specific challenge that was overcome
• A family Sabbath

CHRISTIAN FAMILY IDENTITY BUILDING IS ABOUT REPETITION

Now that you have these baseline steps, the best thing you can do is to repeat, repeat, repeat. Identity is built through where you spend your time and what you continue to reiterate. The worst mistake you can make when it comes to Christian family identity is to assume it’s clear enough.

Get your family talking, telling the stories, describing the behaviors, and practicing what they are learning. All these little steps add up to the identity you want to create that brings glory to God and allows you to live with greater purpose.

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Help your family narrow in on what matters most with our easy Values in Action Kit. This guide will help you facilitate conversation and then give instructions for the activity to put the values into practice. Learn more here!