Do This, Not That: 6 Examples of Effective Family Communication

Family is supposed to be the easiest dynamic to communicate in, right? They are the people you spend day and night with, eat most every meal and have a majority of your interactions with. 

But in fact, sometimes it feels like you’re speaking entirely different languages. When emotions are high, and misunderstandings are inevitable, it's important to take a step back and reflect on how you’re communicating with one another. 

The good news is that with a little adjustment, healthy communication is within reach. If you're seeking real examples of effective family communication, this guide is for you.

These family communication examples will help shift from dysfunctional patterns to healthier ways of speaking and listening to one another. Let’s dive into these "do this, not that" strategies for communicating: 

1. Do: Speak with Compassion and Grace

Not: React with Anger or Frustration

You’ve probably been there - someone says something that rubs you the wrong way, and before you know it, you’re speaking words you regret. The Bible is clear about this: "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt..." (Colossians 4:6). Instead of letting emotions dictate your words, respond with kindness. 

Family Communication Example:

Imagine your child lashes out at you after being told to clean their room. Instead of responding with frustration or punishment, take a moment to stay calm. You might say, “I understand that this might not be what you want to do right now, but we all have responsibilities, and your room is one of your responsibilities.” This response will demonstrate understanding and invite your children to take ownership, rather than retaliating with their emotions. 

2. Do: Listen Closely Before Speaking

Not: Interrupt or Assume

We’re all guilty of it: We cut someone off mid-sentence because we think we know where the conversation is headed. However, Proverbs 18:13 reminds us: “To answer before listening - that is folly and shame.” Effective communication requires active listening. 

Family Communication Example:

Let’s say your spouse is sharing about their day, but you feel the urge to jump in with your own frustrating story of what your coworker said today. 

Instead, stop, listen attentively, and give them space to fully express themselves without interrupting. Practice active listening by focusing on their words, emotions, and body language, and ensure they feel heard before offering your response.

After they've spoken, you could reflect with, “That sounds like a tough day. I can see why you’re feeling that way. How can I help you decompress for the rest of the evening?” 

As you work through this process overall, if you find that you’re in need of enhancing communication and want to build deeper understanding within your family, watch this quick video for strategies to building family understanding. 

3. Do: Speak Truth in Love

Not: Use Harsh Words or Manipulation

Ephesians 4:15 tells us to “speak the truth in love.” Honest communication is vital, but truth without love can be damaging or misconstrued. Rather than confronting family members with criticism or sarcasm, choose words that build up rather than tear down.

Family Communication Example:

If your teenager has been making poor life decisions despite your guidance, instead of saying, “Why do you always make such bad choices? I don’t know what to do with you!” try, “I can see you’ve been struggling with some choices lately, and it’s really worrying me. I love you, and I want to understand what’s going on. Let’s talk about it, and figure out how we can do better moving forward.”

This approach speaks the truth, acknowledges the issue, but also offers support and the opportunity for growth or change.

4. Do: Choose Timing Wisely

Not: Address Everything in the Heat of the Moment

There’s a time for everything, including difficult conversations. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us there’s “a time to be silent and a time to speak.” Trying to resolve conflicts when emotions are running high can often lead to more hurt than healing. Choose a calm moment to discuss important issues.

Family Communication Example:

If tensions are high at the dinner table over something minor, it’s probably not the right moment to bring up a deeper issue like a family disagreement. Instead, say, “I think we should talk about this later when we’re all feeling a little more calm. Can we discuss it at our family meeting?” This allows everyone to regulate their feelings and emotions for a later date, but be sure to write it down and ensure that you circle back to it.

5. Do: Offer Grace and Forgiveness

Not: Hold On to Resentment or Past Hurt

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of biblical teaching. Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” If you hold onto grudges, it creates a wall between each other and prevents healing. Effective communication requires letting go of past hurts and moving forward in grace.

Family Communication Example:

If you’ve had a falling out with a family member over something said in the heat of the moment, don’t let it fester. Approach them with humility and offer forgiveness. You might say, “I know we’ve had some disagreements, but I want us to move past them. I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me too.” 

6. Do: Pray for Guidance in Your Conversations

Not: Rely Solely on Your Own Understanding

James 1:5 offers this encouragement: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.” When you’re unsure of how to communicate in a difficult situation, seek God’s guidance. Prayer can bring better understanding, a sense of peace, and the right words to say.

Family Communication Example:

Before discussing a sensitive issue with your spouse or child, take a moment to pray. “Lord, please give me wisdom to speak in a way that brings peace and understanding. Help me listen with an open heart.” 

Start Applying Communication Examples 

To put these tips into real-life practice, consider joining our 1+1 Question and Prayer Weekly Email. There, you will receive weekly prayer prompts and questions that will jumpstart the conversation within your family and put these key points to use!