Sometimes children open up easily. Other times, it can be difficult to find the right questions to get them to open up. When your child doesn’t share much, or nothing at all, it can feel like you have lost more than that one conversation. Communication is what keeps your family interdependent and connected with each other instead of just living with each other under the same roof. It’s worth being intentional about seeking to understand when a sudden lack of communication is happening. These family communication strategies give you practical ways to have rebuild that connection.
The best family communication strategies include: understanding and adapting to different personalities, practicing forgiveness, setting clear communication standards, and building regular rhythms for connection into your week. What ties them together is consistency. A child opens up when they know what to expect, so each of these gives your family a steady, repeatable way to connect rather than hoping the right moment happens to come along. Often these conversations can be held during your weekly family meetings, making opening up a normal part of your family life.
We all handle conversations differently because of our personality types. When your child doesn’t want to engage, personality tests can give insight into how they are uniquely wired and help to navigate these conversations better. Here are some personality tests you can use to get started:
When you are able to meet your child with understanding and grace instead of confusion and impatience, you build a space where they feel understood and seen. Engaging with them in the way they need is a first step to helping them open up and share more freely.
Sometimes your child may not want to open up because something between you and them is unresolved. When hurt isn’t addressed, they learn it is safer to stay closed off. Practicing forgiveness is how you keep the relationship open enough for them to keep talking.
Make forgiveness a regular practice for your family. Here’s a few ways you can start:
Go first. As the parent, own your part in a conflict and ask forgiveness before you expect it from your child. You’re the model.
Keep it simple and repeatable: say what happened, take responsibility, and name one thing you will do differently.
Address conflict when it happens, so hurt isn’t carried for longer than it needs to.
A clear process for working through conflict together makes this easier because your family knows how to address conflict in a healthy way. When your child sees that conflict gets repaired every time, they learn that it is safe to open up, communicate their feelings, and reconnect.
Setting consistent family meetings gives your child a predictable place to be a part of your conversations. When you hold one each week, the standards you practice there start to carry into your everyday conversations. Now, opening up feels like your family’s normal instead of something that catches people off guard.
Here are a few communication standards to try at your next family meeting:
We put our phones away while we connect
We listen well and ask thoughtful questions
We make room for something fun to talk about or celebrate that day
For more help planning your next family meeting that include these communication standards, use this resource to create your agenda.
When a child isn't opening up, sometimes using an activity can give them an easier way to connect. Here are three to try this week:
Grump night: Once a week or once a month, whatever fits your family, talk together about what has been sad, hard, or less than ideal. For a child who is quiet when something's off or wrong, a set time to talk through the hard stuff makes it easier to connect.
High/low/buffalo: Around the dinner table, everyone shares their high of the week, their low, and their buffalo (something that surprised them). Because everyone answers, the child you’re hoping opens up can follow the family's lead instead of being put on the spot.
Question jar: Fill a jar with open-ended questions, like "what was the best part of your day?" or "what is one thing you learned today?" and pull one or two at dinner. Lighthearted questions that everyone answers takes the pressure off.
What fits your family best at this moment? Pick one strategy and start today: take a personality test together, set new communication standards, or try a new activity at the dinner table. You'll find it gets easier for everyone to open up over time once it becomes a consistent rhythm in your family.
Rhythms like these help your family stay close through every season and keep everyone talking about what they may be walking through. Keep building on them with the Winning Family Culture Study, where you define the rhythms that work best for your family so you can keep connecting and growing together.