Conflict within families is inevitable, but how we handle it can either strengthen or strain our relationships. The Bible provides us with a roadmap to navigate these challenges in a way that honors God and brings healing. Here’s a guide on how to handle family conflict biblically to ensure that our actions align with our faith and the goal of restoration.
Before engaging in any conflict, it's crucial to understand why you're addressing the issue. Romans 14:19 says, “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another” and this is an important lens for conflict. We need to check our heart motives first. Are we desiring peace and a positive outcome, or do we deep down want to win or get even? (Learn more about how your family communication styles impact that here.)
The Bible calls us to pursue peace and unity, so ensure your intentions align with these principles before proceeding. A clear understanding of your purpose will guide your actions and keep your heart focused on reconciliation.
After you have been offended, it’s tempting to wait for the other person to come to you or to ignore the issue altogether, but to navigate family conflict biblically, we need to be willing to take the initiative. Matthew 18:15 advises, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you."
Don’t wait for them to make the first move or involve others unnecessarily. Instead, approach them directly and privately once you are clear on your purpose. If you need counsel, seek it wisely, but avoid bringing others into the conflict unless truly necessary. Airing grievances publicly will not bring about the goal of peace and restoration.
Ephesians 4:15 tells us to "speak the truth in love," which is essential when dealing with family conflict biblically. This means that you address the root issues rather than attacking the person. At this stage, you speak with love and a genuine desire to understand the other person's perspective. Listen actively, showing empathy and respect, even if you don’t agree. By speaking truthfully and lovingly, you can focus on addressing the issues, as opposed to attacking the person.
The ultimate goal in handling conflict biblically is restoration. Once the issues are out in the open, work together to identify what needs to change on both sides. This could involve setting new boundaries, making commitments to improve certain behaviors, or simply being more mindful of each other's feelings in the future.
Be willing to forgive, and if necessary, ask for forgiveness yourself. Remember, restoration is not about winning or losing; it’s about healing and moving forward together as a stronger family unit.
While conflict can have a negative connotation, it actually can become a restorative and healthy part of your family’s communication process when approached biblically. Through your intentionality, humility, and a commitment to God’s principles, it creates a pathway to understanding and restoration.
If you want more tools to navigate family communication challenges, find our Communication section of our Family Resource Center.