The start of a school year can be both exciting and overwhelming for your teen, bringing new friendships, new pressures, and a constant stream of noise competing for their attention. A few intentional conversations at the start of the year will help you better understand where your teen actually stands with your family values right now and what matters most to them. When you’re on the same page, your family can stay connected and aligned on what matters most as the year fills up.
These three categories of conversation will give a clear picture of where your teen is at with your values headed into the school year: friendships, distractions, and identity. Friendships show you what your teen values in the people around them. Distractions reveal what is competing with those values for their attention. Their identity in Christ is the foundation for the values that matter most to them. Together, these conversations will help you understand what your teen is carrying into the year, and will give you insight into the challenges they might face, helping you better function as a team.
The friendships your teen prioritizes reveal the things that are most important to them right now.
Start by asking, "Who are you most excited to see again?"
Then go deeper: "What do you value most about your friendship with them?"
Listen for the traits that are most important to them through the things they keep repeating. When you affirm those traits out loud, "I love that kindness matters to you," you help your teen name those values. When you name the values that matter, they begin to stick.
Your teen experiences a lot of noise at the start of a new school year: life online, social media, entertainment, and much more. You may feel the tension of your teen growing up surrounded by these distractions and hope that they are able to navigate their way as best as they can.
Instead, setting aside time for intentional conversations about what should get their time and what shouldn’t, can help make sure they stay on the right track. Research from the Institute for Family Studies found that closer parental attention to a child's media led to stronger faith across the board.
Start here by asking, "What do you want to make more time for this year?"
Then go deeper: "What tends to eat up your time without you noticing?"
When your teen is able to identify this themselves, it can help with the walls they may have put up if you would have brought it up instead.
From there, have a conversation to help brainstorm a family rhythm you could create that will help preserve that time together. Some examples of this could be:
A dinner with no phones and intentional conversation
A screen-free hour and family prayer time
An evening or weekend for family fun and lighthearted conversations
One consistent rhythm gives your teen something steady to come back to each week, even when the noise and distractions they’re experiencing are trying to pull them in different directions. And instead of always following those, they’re able to slow down and be present in what matters most.
Anxiety tends to rise as your teen heads back to school, whether about classes, friendships, or anything new, and those are the moments their identity gets tested. This conversation points them back to who they are in Christ, the foundation your family values stand on.
Culture tries to answer the identity question through the same noise they distract your teen with, and while your reassurance as their parent about their identity carries weight, your teen’s view of themself is still easily shaken when life gets hard if it comes from this place.
Start by asking, "When you think about who you are, what comes to mind first?"
Then go deeper: "Who do you think gets to decide that?"
Their answers show you where they are looking to understand themselves right now. From there, guide the conversation and point them to Scripture to understand their identity. Psalm 139:13-14 tells them they are fully known and made with purpose. Remind them of this and keep leading them back to Scripture to go deeper. (This resource can also help you walk them through reminding them of their identity if you need a guide.)
What makes values last is returning to them again and again. One conversation before school starts is a strong beginning, but your teen's world keeps shifting through the year: their friendships, their struggles, what they are nervous for, and what they’re excited about. When you take intentional time to keep checking in on their values, you stay connected to what matters to your teen in real time.